117 lessons from Date with Destiny with Tony Robbins

Tony Robbins ‘Date with Destiny’ and ‘Business Mastery’ were my dream-seminars-to-attend. Although a lot has changed in my life since I was actively participating in his seminars and programs, I still see value in what I have discovered about myself, how it shaped me and the way I run my business. I am pretty sure I still have old cassettes / CDs with the paper workbooks somewhere in the boxes in the attic; and I keep using the planning system that I have created based on Tony’s old RPM system.

I am forever grateful to all the Stars I met along the way – those, who made these experiences possible, who were there to guide me and helped me grow. Wherever in the world you are right now, I hope you do ‘live with passion’.

Here are some of my notes and reminders from ‘Date With Destiny’ with Tony Robbins, listed in no particular order. Read them if you wish; take what you like and leave the rest.

1. Whether you focus on what you want or what you do not want, you will get it. If you don’t see what’s great in your life now, you may be looking in the wrong direction. The moment you will start searching for what is great in your current life, you will find more and more things that are great.
2.  You must know what extraordinary life means to you. You need to be clear with what you want and why you want it. This is how you get to live the life on your terms.
3. If you have a compelling future, you will move forward no matter what.
4. There are many ways to meet your needs, yet you think that there is only one possible way. You can meet each of your needs in many different ways. You don’t have to figure out the HOW, just know your WHY.
5. Your beliefs and your values control your thoughts, decisions and actions. You are not aware of most of your beliefs and values.
6. Don’t make it easy to feel pain. People tend to create many rules to feel pain, but no rules or only one that leads to pleasure. Moreover, they tend to make it easy to feel the pain, but difficult to feel pleasure.
7. There are three choices that pain gives you:
   • Ignoring the pain and blaming others, circumstances or yourself. If you blame yourself you beat yourself up and your energy goes down.
   • Changing your life conditions – you don’t have to wait for perfect conditions to appear; anticipate, take massive action and observe the results – if that’s not what you want, change our approach and try again.
   • Changing your blueprint by making changes in your physiology, searching for an empowering meaning or focusing on what serves you.
8. Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. If you are in pain because of the event, it may be because you are focusing on the negative effects of it. Try to look for a different meaning, i.e. ask yourself: ‘what can I learn from that?’
9.  It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.

10. Responsibility is the ability to response. Any response is either a loving response or a cry for help.
11. You can’t control the circumstances, but you must be responsible for your reaction. Leaders don’t wait for the problem to appear, they anticipate.
12. If you don’t do it, you don’t know it. Knowing is not enough. Knowledge itself has no power. The power lies in execution. You need to practice what you learn in order to master it.
13. Three levels of mastery:
    • Level 1 – Cognitive Understanding
    • Level 2 – Emotional  Mastery
    • Level 3 – Physical Mastery
14. People tend to blame others when something doesn’t go the way they want to. If you are going to blame someone for the bad, you must also blame them for all the good that came out of the situation. Blame consciously, blame elegantly.
15. Your past doesn’t equal your future; unless you live there. What is the story of your life? Is there someone you blame? What for? How has this story affected your life? Do you want to keep re-living this story over and over again?
16. Eight ways to get stuck:
    • Physiology, your body and movement
    • Patterns of focus:
      • Do you focus on what’s there or what’s missing?
      • Do you focus on what you can or cannot control?
      • Do you focus on the past, the future or the present?
    • Story, identity, ideas
    • Global beliefs
    • Rules you live by
    • Feminine / Masculine energies
    • Primary emotion
    • One of six human needs
17. The stronger force in human personality is to stay consistent with how you define yourself.
18. Your identity may be limiting you. Expand your identity.
19. Remember to forget things you no longer want to remember.
20. Change your story, change your life. Write your story from a different perspective, or write a totally new story. Make it a romantic comedy, an action or an adventure. Who you are in this new story of yours? How will your life be different from now on?
21. Basic human needs are the fundamental drives within each human being. Although we tend to meet each of our need in many different ways, we all tend to value two more than the rest.
22. Tony Robbins – six human needs:
    • Certainty
    • Uncertainty / Variety
    • Significance
    • Love and Connection
    • Growth
    • Contribution
23. You must find sustainable ways that fulfill your needs; the ways that brings you pleasure, not pain.
24. Perfection is the lowest standard of life. No one can ever achieve perfection.
25. Seven categories of beliefs that have impact on your life.
    • Your global belief system
    • Your identity
    • Your primary question
    • Your values (primary fears and desires)
    • The rules you live by
    • Your villains and vehicles
    • Your beliefs that are related to a specific situation
26. You have an emotional home you go back to regularly. If you know what your emotional home is, you may decide whether it serves you or not, and if it doesn’t – you can change it.
27. The emotions you live with on a daily basis create the quality of your life.
28. You state determines your focus and the actions you take. Therefore it is important that you know how to control your state and create a peak one daily.
29. Your state impacts the decisions in the moment, and your blueprint impacts the long term decisions. Together, they shape your destiny.
30. Three spheres of influence people see their lives through. Each of them may trigger you to take steps toward a massive change. You value each of these areas differently. The three spheres of influence are:
    • Relationships
    • Self
    • Work / World / Mission
31. You filter everything that comes to your life through submodalities, cognitive styles, your metaprograms, and feminine /masculine conditions.
32. Anchors and past references are the triggers of your actions.
33. Some people make choices that lead them to pain, while others are experiencing pleasure as an effect of their choices. By looking at your life right now, you can tell whether your choices serve you or not. Many people don’t know how to shape their own path. You must remember that you are creator of your own reality, and if you don’t like something, you can change it.
34. There are habits and behaviours you developed while living your life and going for what you want. They are driven by the meaning you give them.
35. If you change your state, it will change your emotions. That will cause you to take different actions, which then lead you to live the life you want.
36. You can’t control the stimulus, but you can influence it.
37. People tend to develop the patterns of thoughts and behaviours so that they meet their most valued needs. These patterns of thoughts and patterns of behaviours are not necessarily good for them and may take them away from what they need.
38. If one of your behaviour meets more than three of your needs, you become addicted to this behaviour.

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39. In order to change the limiting thoughts or behaviours and create new ones, you must first break the old pattern and replace it with something new.
40. The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. You must recognize the emotions related to your typical behaviours and which needs do they meet.
41. The Triad is your filter for what emotions you experience. The Triad (your physiology, your focus and the meaning you give) directly impacts the emotions you feel.
42. The fastest way to change your state is a change in your physiology. You can change your body posture, the way you breathe, your tone of voice etc.
43. What you focus on, you will feel. The more you focus on something, the more of it you will get.
44. The words you use to describe any experience will become your experience. The way you tend to talk about the situation you’re in or people you’re with create a meaning for them.
45. There are seven elements of the story:
    • Desire
    • Need or problem
    • Opponent
    • Plan
    • Battle
    • Self-Revelation
    • Equilibrium
46. If you discover which emotions you associate with your primary vehicles, you can make a decision to change your emotions from negative to empowering.
47. The primary vehicles are:
    • Relationships
    • Money
    • Business / Career
    • Physical Body
    • Spirituality
48. You can feed and strengthen the emotions that empower your vehicles, i.e. honor, faith, persistence, passion, honesty, courage.
49. You can starve and eliminate the emotions that disempower your vehicles, i.e. fear, anger, frustration, boredom, judgement, greed, perfectionism.
50. Your primary question filters your conscious and unconscious thinking on a regular basis.
51. You find your primary question by asking yourself: ‘what question do I ask myself the most?’ (i.e what’s wrong with me?, how can I do it better?; why does it always happen to me?)
52. Your beliefs of consequence are the major part of your unconscious identity.
53. Incantations are affirmations that are said out loud with a movement of one’s body. They are a powerful tool to condition new beliefs or shift your identity.
54. Knowing better will not make you better.
55. There are five fundamental laws for creating and installing empowering incantations:
    • Law of emotional intensity
    • Law of conditioning
    • Law of rhythm and patterning
    • Law of synergy
    • Law of reward
56. You must train your emotions and your beliefs the same way you train your muscles – by constant repetition.
57. Now I am the Voice. I will lead, not follow. I will believe, not doubt. I will create, not destroy. I am a Force for Good. I am a Leader. Defy the odds. Set a new standard. Step Up!
58. Four categories of Consciousness:
    • Egocentric
    • Ethnocentric
    • World Centric
    • Spirit Centric
59. Eight levels of Consciousness (by Clare W. Graves):
    • Level 1 – Survival / Instinct driven (colour: beige, primary need: certainty)
    • Level 2 – Tribal order (colour: purple, primary need: certainty)
    • Level 3 – Power of God (colour: red, primary need: significance, certainty)
    • Level 4 – Order and the Absolute (colour: blue, primary need: significance, certainty)
    • Level 5 – Striver – driver / achiever (colour: orange, primary need: significance, certainty, growth)
    • Level 6 – Socially conscious (colour: green, primary need: connection, contribution)
    • Level 7 – Integrated/Flex-Flow (colour: yellow, primary need: connection, contribution)
    • Level 8 – An Awakened Soul (colour: turquoise, primary need: connection, contribution)
60. Relationships are the most important area of your life; the quality of your relationships is the quality of your life.
61. There are two main fears each human being has: fear of being not enough, and fear of not being loved.
62. If you are around something long enough, you will start taking it for granted. It may be destructive to your relationship.
63. You must work on your own self in order to create a loving and long lasting romantic relationship.
64. Dating is a beautiful state.
65. Selection is 95% of success of your relationship.
66. Most people get involved with a partner because of the proximity, chemistry or convenience.
67. You must consistently improve the relationship with yourself and with your partner, if you have to have a passionate relationship.
68. Know what you want and be real. Become the kind of person others want to be with.
69. If you don’t know what you want from a relationship, you will settle for whatever comes into your life.
70. Know the desires of your significant other. Discover their needs, beliefs, fears and values.

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71. You must get addicted to meeting your partner’s needs.
72. It is not about who you hire into your intimate relationship, but who you fire from your team. The most important seat is who you invite into your intimate love life.
73. Women think that men are ‘hairy women that need coaching’.
74. Become the person that would be a perfect partner to the partner you want to attract into your life / a partner you want to be with.
75. You must know who you are in relationship with.
76. Bring back the person you were when you dated.
77. Five stressors of intimate relationship:
    • Loss of Attraction, when you get depolarized
    • Irritation and frustration that you experience from 4 R’s (4R’s by Barbara d’Angelis)
      • Resistance
      • Resentment
      • Rejection
      • Repression
    • Loss of physical attraction, when there is no passion left
    • Loss of commitment
    • Incompatibility (making up the stories about your partner)
78. Things in common make relationship work and create the feeling of certainty and safety. Differences create a passion in relationship. You need both, similarities and differences, to create an outstanding relationship.
79. Great relationships don’t die for the lack of love, but intimacy – it’s because of depolarization.
80. If at the end of your relationship you will treat your partner as if it was the beginning of your relationship, it will not be the end.
81. Five positions of a relationship:
    • Loving and passionate relationship
    • Lots of love in a relationship with no or little passion
    • Relationship with not much love and not much passion
    • A person who is not in a relationship but wants to be in one
    • A person who is not in a relationship and doesn’t want to be in one
82. Romantic relationship is the most important area of your life; it is where you may experience the most pain, and the most pleasure.
83. There are different elements that shut down intimacy between partners and they differ for masculine and feminine.
84. Feminine’s 3 U’s that can ruin relationship:
    • When she feels not seen and not heard, when she doesn’t get the attention she needs
    • When she feels like she is not understood, when her partner is not present
    • When she feels like she can’t trust and doesn’t feel safe
85. Masculine’s 3 C’s that can ruin relationship:
    • When he is being criticized
    • When he feels like his partner shuts down from him
    • When he feels controlled
86. When a woman is in her feminine energy, she is free.
87. Feminine woman is like a storm –first it rains, then there are thunderstorm and lightning, and then sun comes out. That is natural, that is the nature of feminine way of expressing emotions.
88. Certainty takes femininity away. If you are in your feminine, you flow; you are in a state of being.
89. Feminine energy is about feeling more.
90. Women want to be pleased, but they don’t want a pleaser.
91. Three dimensions of a relationship:
    • 1 – there is no relationship, you and your own needs are your primary focus
    • 2 – trading instead of relationship; you do your part when your partner does theirs
    • 3 – when your partner’s needs become your own needs
92. Creating a vision of your ultimate relationship gives you the picture of who you want to be with, and who you want to become as a partner. It helps you raise your standards for your relationship and create outstanding intimate relationships.
93. It’s not about the duration of time, but about a quality of time you spend together.
94. Reach your happiness on your own, before you get into a relationship. This way you will come into a relationship sharing the happiness you already have within you, instead of expecting your partner to make you happy.
95. You are not your behaviours.
96. Make your life a symphony of Love.
97. Four levels of love:
    • Baby love
    • Trade love
    • Real love
    • Beyond love
98. Choose love over being right. You can be right or you can be in love.
99. You have fewer rules to your kids than you have to your partner.

100. Respect is significance driven. If respect is on top of your list, you will be very angry, often. Respect yourself enough to grow. Take respect off your list of values.
101. For men, problem is something they solve. Women use problems to connect.
102. You get what you tolerate in yourself and in your relationship.
103. You must put your all focus into building something, and not chasing someone.
104. What if someone who loves you wants to experience all the layers of you? The calm you, the emotional you, the frustrated you, the tired you, the happy you?
105. There are four different archetypes within us. They work as a team.
     • Warrior
     • Magician
     • Lover
     • Queen / King
106. The size of a hero is built on a size of the opponent.
107. You must be aware of towards values and away values, because they control all your behaviours. If your main toward value is safety, you behave different than someone who values adventure.
108. Buy back your time and hire someone who will do the less important tasks, so that you can focus on strategic and important tasks.
109. The quality of the expectations of your peer group will uplift your life and shape you.
110. Repetition creates a skill in you.
111. If you are not appreciating yourself, then you are depreciating yourself.
112. Freedom is not something that you reach for. It is something you have within.
113. Leadership is an ability to influence others to willingly take action and continue taking action.
114. Lead by example. Walk your talk. Be authentic, be real.
115. Three levels of leadership:
     • Lead yourself
     • Lead one more person
     • Lead group of people
116. The mark of a leader is how many leaders you create, not how many followers you have.
117. Six components of the wheel of leadership:
     • Presentation skills
     • Leadership skills
     • Team skills
     • Event skills
     • Life skills
     • Intervention skills

Tony Robbins kept his promise when he said that after DWD ‘life will never be the same again’. It sure changed mine. Whether you are Tony Robbins’ fan or not, I hope you find these take-aways helpful. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Feel free to comment and share your thoughts.

With Love and in Abundance,

Ela, Grand Cru Experience

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